things that i do not like very much at all, especially and most definitely when i am sleep deprived

i was watching a video on youtube on a trans guy's personal channel and he was talking about health insurance and possibly getting a hysterectomy covered by insurance. i think that's great if it works out in his favor. seems like trans people are always jumping through hoops, especially with the legal and medical systems.

i didn't really do much research on my health insurance (blue cross blue shield) when i first got it, but this guy inspired me a bit so i checked out the bcbs website. this is what i found:
"In addition to the specific exclusions listed elsewhere in your Contract, the following General Exclusions apply:...#58: Treatment leading to, or in connection with, transsexual Surgery."

i'm not a bit surprised because health insurances are only beginning to cover trans related health costs, but it did make me angry - how can it not? this is a case of blatant discrimination. i didn't even bother to read the other however many exclusions, but i'm sure those have made others angry as well. plain and simple, trans people are people, people with specific health/medical needs. this might be a terrible analogy...but just like diabetic people need insulin, most trans people need hormones.

number two on the list is changing my birth certificate (name and sex). it seems that i need the following documents: an application (they mailed me the wrong one), court order for name change with seal, certified proof of publication, letter from SRS surgeon specifying date, place and procedure (this needs to be a hysterectomy in new york state), actual operative report from SRS surgeon, letter from therapist documenting "true" transsexualism (as opposed to "false" transsexualism...?), and a letter from an endocrinologist or other medical physician concerning "hormonal" information. rawr is all i have to say. it's actually EASIER to change your passport than your birth certificate...well at least for me as someone who was born in new york state. i sent out my documents to change my name and sex on my passport yesterday.

lastly, i really do not like the word "lifestyle", especially in reference to GLBTQI (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender/transsexual (do i need two 't's' for that?), queer/questioning (?), intersexed)...am i missing any?) people. i think in some ways it has somehow become associated GLBTQI people (how, i have no idea) and for some reason, at least in my experience has come up A LOT when discussing GLBTQI people - though maybe this is not a common experience.

to begin i feel like it has a negative connotation because the way it has come up in discussions for me has always been something like "oh i don't understand your lifestyle" (in reference to being trans), or "how's your lifestyle treating you?". it seems to me that questions/comments like and similar to these regard being GLBTQI as a choice (keep in mind that being GLBTQI is NOT a choice), like what these people are really trying to say is something like "wow, why would you ever want to live in such a manner" or "why are you taking such a difficult path?". furthermore, these questions/comments also seem to insinuate that being GLBTQI is what consumes our entire life, every breath and every moment. clearly our GLBTQI-ness sticks out like a sore thumb and these people have a hard time seeing that we are anything other than GLBTQI. fuck.

but really very lastly is the complete and utter lack of single and/or available (yes they are different) women here. this is seriously going to make me stir crazy. if you have my number please feel free to give it to any woman, ages 22 to 42, you may see from this moment on. thank you.

this wasn't supposed to be a negative post, so i will make a quick note of things i like very much, especially and most definitely when i'm sleep deprived:
-my spectacular day-dreaming abilities
-day-dreaming of beautiful and perhaps naked women
-beautiful women
-warm, full cup of tea or coffee
-a comfortable bed
-a beautiful and perhaps woman enjoying a warm full cup of coffee or tea with me in a comfortable bed

fin.

interactive post - your chance to SAY SOMETHING!

this has come up a lot lately and i really wanted to hear what others had to say...

for those of you that have known me before and after i began hormones:
has our relationship changed in any way since i've begun hormones - what has changed and how?
have you noticed a change in the way you experience me/the way we interact since i've begun hormones - what has changed and how?

for those of you that i don't personally know:
do you feel like your relationships with those that are close to you have changed since you've started hormones - what has changed and how?

for those of you that are not on hormones:
if you are considering hormones, do you anticipate your relationships to change - what do you anticipate?
if you don't take hormones, have your relationships changed at all since you socially transitioned - what has changed and how?

please respond if you have time.
peace.

randomness

just a bunch of random things i'd like to make a note of...

-my sense of smell is going out the door, this past month i've noticed a huge decrease (i believe this is because of testosterone...has anyone else noticed this?)
-i'm growing my side burns out - they're barely noticeable
-i finally found hairs on my chin
-my chest is healing very nicely - the hole on my left side is finally beginning to heal
-my old insurance company has at last paid for my endocrinologist visits from may and august
-i heard my birth name the other day and it was really difficult to hear, even though i wasn't being called by it
-i listen too much and don't speak enough
-i wish my town had a bigger trans community
-a cabin in the woods sounds perfect right about now

fin.

movie review

first and foremost: happy new year!

i recently watched the documentary "red without blue" and really enjoyed it and wanted to share. it's a documentary (released in 2007?) about identical twins. it was filmed over the course of a three year period when the twins were young adults. the documentary focuses on the twins close relationship and the family dynamics surrounding their close relationship and how it evolved over the years. the twins grew up in a conservative community, eventually came out as gay, dealt with drug abuse, divorce, separation from each other and one twin comes out as transgender (mtf). the twins and parents do a lot of reflecting on their relationships, how the relationships have changed through their own self discoveries and what dealing with those changes has been like.

i thought this was a very honest documentary and really appreciated the perspective, although i found most of it to be quite sad. i also really appreciated being able to see how, especially the mother's, each person's perspective changed through the filming period. lastly, what i enjoyed was being able to hear the family's perspective on their changing dynamic - i suppose i particularly enjoyed that aspect because i've been dealing with changing family dynamics lately. i actually bought this movie for my parents hoping it would give them good perspective also, but they haven't received it yet.

check out the website: www.redwithoutblue.com

peace.