29 July, 2009

penis dream

last night i had my first dream of actually having a penis - or at least a dream that i can remember. it's not that i don't have a penis in my dreams, more that i just don't dream of my genitalia. it was a pretty basic dream, nothing too special happened. i was mostly just peeing (standing up of course) throughout the dream. i think i was just so excited about having a penis that i just wanted to keep using it (i like how i used it to pee instead of having sex - the horny pubescent boy that i am...).

anyone have any genitalia dreams they want to share?!


18 July, 2009

transgender identities & spirituality

lately i've been thinking a lot about my transition (medical, mental, emotional, physical...) and how it relates to my spirituality. i don't think that spirituality, at least in my mind, can be ignored when we think about, discuss and reflect upon our transitions (however each of us define our own personal transition).

so many of the steps i've taken in the past two years and have been taking have only helped revitalize, re-energize and essentially awaken my spirit and my internal energy. i feel, in many ways, as if i am just now waking up. i feel more in-tune with myself as an being that is comprised of both a body and a spirit and more in-tune with my own energy, other people's energy and how these energies effect each other. i cannot deny these facts.

i haven't conducted a very thorough search yet, but i have found these resources:
kindred spirits website
transgender spirituality website

if you have any related resources please share by leaving a comment
and for any trans-identified folks who would like to comment on this subject, i'd like to hear what you have to say in regards to your transition and trans identity and your spirituality


14 July, 2009

this and that.

eight-month post-op top surgery looks like this:

i work out about four or five times a week. i have trouble with my lower back/hips and have been trying to run, but it's been a struggle. i mostly weight lift and do strengthening exercises, alternating days between my upper body and abs. i've been feeling good though and feel as if i am getting the results i had hoped for.

i have decided to get a revision on my chest and already have it scheduled for the beginning of august. i know my chest looks good as it is right now, but i would feel less conscious of my chest with the revision. my surgeon, dr. beverly fischer, will be resizing my oddly-shaped areolas and taking out some extra tissue left from the initial surgery. i am looking forward to getting my chest as close to "perfect" as it can be.

i went to my doctor's office yesterday to get an ekg in preparation for surgery (it is required by my doctor as part of the pre-surgery screening process). the woman who administered the ekg was the same woman who did the ekg i had for my initial surgery. she asked me why i was getting an ekg and i explained my background to her and then she said she remembered me from the last time. she said she had barely recognized me, that i was looking good and that my chest looked great. so that was pretty awesome - thanks ekg woman, you totally made my morning (if only i could remember your name!)!

i also went to the social security office to change the gender associated with my social security number. i must say that it was the least painful name/sex changing process i have undergone with a government office. i had to fill out the SS-5 form, show my driver's license and my letter from surgery and i was all set. i wasn't hassled or questioned and was in and out of the office in ten minutes. the only document i have left to change anything on is my birth certificate, which i have to change my sex on. this will have to be further down the road because new york state requires a hysterectomy in order to change the sex from female to male on a birth certificate and hysterectomies are way too expensive.

i think that's it.
peace dudes.

what happened to transster?

those of you familiar with transster (for those unfamiliar, it was an internet archive of surgeons performing specific types of trans surgeries and pictures of these surgeries....as you can imagine this was a very useful resource for many) may have realized that the website has been down for the past two months or so. i am unsure if there was any word as to what has happened with the site and information collected there.

i recently found a similar site that a transman and his partner have decided to start up in light of transster being down. i believe the site was just put up, so there are some kinks to work out. the site is called transbucket. check it out and post your pictures. props to the creators!