17 April, 2010

poem i wrote


the pain i feel in my gut
is only present to remind me
of a history i cannot
change, escape or ignore
it is that one sign
that's left over
screaming in my face
and whispering in my ears
biology, biology, biology

it begs me not to forget
but to embrace
the unimaginable path
i've been led down
and the path i've chosen

i as well beg my body
to submit to the
changes of the current
to meet in middle ground
and reveal an accurate rhythm
between past, present and future

as if the three are armored warriors
battling for righteousness
battling to be visible, to be audible
battling for the sheer sake of battling -
the adrenaline, the destruction and the glory

this is a constant battle
and it is the same battle
fought perpetually
within my mind
within these veins
and within this spirit

a battle which calls into question
the union of history and what is to come
of two unmatched lives
and two unmatched people
somehow fusing
to create one entire and whole being
breathing and being now

06 April, 2010

trans conference!

there's a conference coming up for anyone in the new england area
transgender lives: the intersection of health and law conference
saturday, april 17
university of connecticut health center, farmington, ct

i'll be facilitating a workshop about public and private identities!
hope to see you there!


04 April, 2010


i spilled almond milk on my keyboard and now the m, k, i and 8 aren't working. i'm typing this at work so it doesn't take two years to write a blog entry and thus the reason behind my absence! i'm attempting to remedy this situation myself...we'll see how it goes.
anyway, i've begun the 100 push-up challenge! it's a training program to eventually get you to be able to do 100 consecutive push ups! it's tough, though it has been going well. i could do enough push ups when i began the challenge that i started out on week 3. so my training program is a month instead of 6 weeks and now i only have two weeks left. what's nice about it is that you only work out three days a week (an every-other-day kinda thing) and each workout is only about 10 minutes. check it out here: http://hundredpushups.com/
and now for the super exciting news...i'm getting my ovaries out - a laparoscopy it is! i was finally able to get in touch with my doctor, who took a week to do some research of her own. it sounds like she spoke to dr. marci bowers, a surgeon who specializes in ftm and mtf trans surgeries, although she only alluded to a "doctor out in colorado who specializes in trans surgeries...".

i forgot to mention in my original post that her only hesitation initially in taking my ovaries out was the risk for osteoporosis. after doing some research she found that there is a risk for ovarian cancer from long-term exposure to testosterone. she also discovered that pain in other reproductive parts can also be caused by long-term exposure to testosterone. so, she asked me what my thoughts were regarding my choices (depo-lupron or laparoscopy) and i told her i really didn't want to even try to the depo-lupron after reading women's personal accounts of using the drug. she did mention that we could use it very short term as a diagnostic tool - if my pain went away then we'd know it was my ovaries causing the pain, if it didn't relieve my pain, we'd know that it may be the long term exposure of the testosterone causing the pain. i rejected this idea as well. she supported and supports my decision to have surgery, which is scheduled for monday, may 3.
so that's where life is at. i'll try my best to update more!