one piece of transitioning that gave me a lot anxiety was dating. i began my social and medical transition single and remained so for about the next year and a half. i am glad i remained single during that time because it allowed me to focus my energy on myself during a time of great change. when i thought about dating and even when i felt ready to date again i was nervous about how my trans identity would influence dating. how and when would i come out to the person? how would they react? would it even matter to them? would i be dumped on account of my trans identity? dating then felt like quite an overwhelming task.
i met my partner, who i've been dating for the past (almost) 5 months, back in august. she actually accidentally (in a way) found out about my trans identity - someone slipped up in a conversation and someone later clarified. she knew of my trans identity even before we began dating and it's never really mattered to her - she sees me for me. i feel incredibly lucky to have found someone who is just so open and non-judgmental. with that said, things have been great and it's been invigorating to be in a close and meaningful relationship again.
we actually had an interesting discussion the other night and she said something that i hadn't expected her to say - she said that she doesn't see me as a trans person. she met me as a male and sees me that way. and moreover she sees me for the person i am on the inside. i can understand her perspective - i know that when i meet medically transitioned trans people it's difficult to picture them as the opposite sex because all you're presented with is that person's present self.
she has actually told her family that i'm trans and none of them seem to have any problems with it - thanks nor. cal. hippies! i really appreciate that i can be open with her and out to her family. i think it would be difficult for me if i were dating someone who had issues with me being trans (not that i think i would or could date someone like that...) or someone who had issues with me being open about my trans status.
so that's that for now.
19 January, 2010
i found this documentary on mediaed.org and thought i would share it - you can watch the entire video in "preview" mode. it talks mostly about masculinity and femininity and how these are perceived by the public through advertising and the media - basically how stereotypical gender roles are perpetuated through advertising and the media. the doc certainly wasn't something new - but definitely something worth hearing again (and again and again). check it out.
the codes of gender
the codes of gender
Posted by Peace & Love at 7:29 AM