27 August, 2008

almost september....?

hey everyone - my apologies for not posting in a while, august has been busy. so updates.....

-everything with testosterone is going well. just had my appointment with my endocrinologist last thursday. he's a really nice guy, really down-to-earth, and interested in my experiences. we decided to up my weekly dosage to 75 MG (versus 50 MG) which I am happy about. i've been really tired lately and feel like a surge of hormones is raging in my body. we're hoping that increasing my testosterone will help even out my t-levels and eventually rid of this hormone storm.
-went home yesterday. parents were alright, got to do some sailing with my dad which was great. they're calling my lucas, but still using female pronouns, though i did my best to correct them. i played some of my voice recordings for my mom and she didn't really say anything. though, she was amazing at my muscle growth.
-as far as changes this month: my facial hair is definitely coming in, dark hairs above my upper lips and my peach fuzz is coming in thicker and more coarse on my face. my acne has definitely gotten worse and i'm thinking i may have to start using something a bit more serious than normal daily face wash.
-i decided that i'm definitely going with dr. beverly fischer for my top surgery. i put in my paperwork for loans and am waiting to hear back. along the same lines i've decided that i'm going to finish my work for my degree for the november deadline and get surgery in the beginning of november.

can't think of anything else right now, but will try to update at least once a week. check out the website: www.lucaskovacevich.com


11 August, 2008

this and that

i will have been on t for three months as of this wednesday. can't believe it's been that long already. some more changes i've noticed (on top of already mentioned changes):
-my face structure has definitely changed - more masculine looking jawline
-muscles - despite the fact that i haven't been very physically active lately, i'm gaining muscle
-facial hair - a little more showing up each day

i'm definitely perceived as male a lot more now, probably 80 to 90 percent of the time. it's definitely different being viewed as male by other males, of course since i was socialized female. the way males interact with me, when they view me as male, is completely different from how males interacted with me before. i'm s l o w l y learning what it means to interact with males, but of course at the same time be me.

what i've also found interesting is that now that i am mostly being perceived as male, i've realized that i have no past, or that my own history as male is short (i suppose this all has to do with how i am perceived publicly and not how i view myself). that is to say, some memories and experiences (as i have learned through attempting to tell stories from my past) from my past have at least something to do with my birth sex. and if i do not desire to come out to certain people i either have to exclude these memories or lie about certain points. i suppose this mostly relates to not revealing my trans identity. i cannot say for sure if i will or will not reveal my trans identity to certain people, but i see myself as an advocate, someone who is working for social change and social justice and of course would like to be open about my trans identity with my community in order to spread understanding and acceptance.

the website is almost ready! i'll post the link when i have everything up.