26 June, 2008

and again...

i called home yesterday just to say hi. my mother immediately asked me why i called - i could tell she was upset about something, who asks their child why they called? i told her i just wanted to say hi and for some reason she thought that was strange. we exchanged a few words and then she got down to what was clearly bothering her. she was upset that i came out to our family friends via e-mail and said that i should have done it by phone. i told her that i felt it was best that i did it through e-mail. she asked me who told me to do it that way and where i sent it from, and i asked her why that matted and she didn't answer. she kept saying that i should have called and told them and that if aunt so and so died that i wouldn't have e-mailed them to tell them. i told her that was different and she said no it's not. at this point in time the conversation was getting heated and i was getting really fed up with her bullshit. unfortunately i let her get the best of me and began yelling. she kept saying that the phone was more appropriate and i said that i would tell everyone from now on on the phone as she wanted me to because she knew what was best (note the sarcasm). then she said that she can never be right in my eyes and that she's always wrong. and i told her that this was exactly what it was about and didn't want to continue the conversation. i asked to speak with my father and she kept asking me why and wouldn't let me talk to him and kept trying to continue the conversation.

my mother is driving me up a wall. i am so glad that i decided to go to the party on saturday instead of a day early because this means one less day with her, but unfortunately one less day with my friends. i'm really not worried about anyone else at the party, except my mother. maybe her seeing other people being comfortable with me will be good for her. i really don't know what to do anymore, how to approach her, how to make her see that what i am doing (pretty much everything i am doing) is for the best and even how to effectively communicate with her. ugh.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hang in there, lucas. you cannot control what others do or say, or how they feel... the best you can do in this situation is to keep on the path of what you think is right, follow your instincts, and stay true to yourself. you are a good person with a big heart, and i can't imagine how frustrating and painful this situation with you mom must be for you. just remember that there are lots of us who are here not just to support you, but also to celebrate the beauty of someone we love embracing their true self. be brave, stay strong, and know there are a lot of us standing behind you as you make your way. your mom will come around someday, insha'allah. in the meantime, know that we are here for you.

wishing you peace (and sending it to your mom, too)