21 September, 2008

progress and surprises

i've been mulling over how i'm going to tell my parents about my top surgery since i started to think about getting surgery and it seems like there's really no great way to tell them...other than to just be honest with them. and i've been trying my best to be open and honest with my parents about my transition because i know this is difficult and confusing for them.

so i called my mom yesterday morning on my way to work just to say hi. she was asking about me coming home for thanksgiving and i told her i was unsure if i could take time off because i had an "engagement" prior in the month that i would need to take time off for. she asked me what it was and i knew i couldn't lie to her, so i told her i was getting top surgery. i don't think she necessarily understands the specifics of top surgery, but definitely understood what i meant. and i was surprised because she didn't sound her usual disappointed as she normally does when i tell her something about my transition. she asked me how i was paying for it and i told her about my loans, which i don't think she's thrilled about because i already have out a lot of money in loans. she also asked me if i wanted my father and her to come and take care of me after the surgery - this surprised the hell out of me because my parents have never been an active part of my transition.

and then more surprises. she told me she read several chapters in a book i gave my parents when i came out to them ("Understanding Transsexualism for Parents, Friends...."). i didn't think she'd ever pick up that book. she continued to say that two things she read really helped her: (1) why would someone turn their life up-side-down for no reason, if someone is going through such a difficult process it must be significant.... and (2) if you change the cover of a book, it is still the same book on the inside. this really made my heart happy, hearing all of this from my mother. dealing with her through my transition has proved by far to be extremely difficult. i've been very patient with her and hearing this from her is kind of like a reward for my patience and a sign that the tables are turning and she is slowly beginning to understand and accept me.

peace,
luke

4 comments:

Eliot Newton said...

Whoa! Yay for familial support, and of course congrats on the top surgery progress! I hope it goes well for you.

Anonymous said...

¡que fantastico! so proud of your mom; so happy for you :)

- DB

Diana said...

That's really awesome that something finally reached your mom a bit. I hope that she can embrace more with time!

Anonymous said...

I'm happy your mom is bring more supportive :)