11 August, 2008

this and that

i will have been on t for three months as of this wednesday. can't believe it's been that long already. some more changes i've noticed (on top of already mentioned changes):
-my face structure has definitely changed - more masculine looking jawline
-muscles - despite the fact that i haven't been very physically active lately, i'm gaining muscle
-facial hair - a little more showing up each day

i'm definitely perceived as male a lot more now, probably 80 to 90 percent of the time. it's definitely different being viewed as male by other males, of course since i was socialized female. the way males interact with me, when they view me as male, is completely different from how males interacted with me before. i'm s l o w l y learning what it means to interact with males, but of course at the same time be me.

what i've also found interesting is that now that i am mostly being perceived as male, i've realized that i have no past, or that my own history as male is short (i suppose this all has to do with how i am perceived publicly and not how i view myself). that is to say, some memories and experiences (as i have learned through attempting to tell stories from my past) from my past have at least something to do with my birth sex. and if i do not desire to come out to certain people i either have to exclude these memories or lie about certain points. i suppose this mostly relates to not revealing my trans identity. i cannot say for sure if i will or will not reveal my trans identity to certain people, but i see myself as an advocate, someone who is working for social change and social justice and of course would like to be open about my trans identity with my community in order to spread understanding and acceptance.

the website is almost ready! i'll post the link when i have everything up.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your T anniversary. That whole history without revelation bit can be pretty difficult but it's good to hear that you're going to be an advocate. The trans community can always use more people like that. I'm looking forward to reading the website!