19 October, 2010

i shall be telling this with a sigh...

to my faithful readers...
i am sorry to say that i can no longer continue my blog here for privacy reasons, along with the fact that i no longer have any free time. thanks everyone for reading! keep on keepin' on!


18 May, 2010

15 days post-op

i had my post-operative appointment with my surgeon this morning and it went smoothly, as expected. besides the mild-endometriosis she found, she said everything else looks healthy and gave me the okay to begin working out again. i also asked her what everything is in the pictures she took during surgery for me (refer to picture from previous post). in the top left picture: my uterus is in the top left-hand corner and my fallopian tube is running down the far right-hand side of the picture. it's all pretty much the same contents in the other pictures, they are just taken from different angles.

overall, i am feeling well and really looking forward to working out again. i've had a little bit of pain over the past week and fortunately have been off the pain pills.

11 days post-op and some irritation from my band-aids

12 days post-op and what my incisions look like


09 May, 2010

ovary and out!

...back again after a long break!

i had my surgery this past monday and everything went smoothly.
removal of the ovaries and fallopian tubes = bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy

my surgeon found mild endometriosis, which is what i figured the culprit of my pain was. i don't really remember what else she said to me as the recovery on monday was quite rough. i think it was a mix of not eating much the day before, the drugs from anesthesia, the morphine in recovery and the percocet i took before leaving the hospital...quite the mix there! i was out of it and nauseous for the rest of the day. i was in the most pain the day of surgery, (not very much compared to top surgery) though couldn't hold anything in my stomach in order to take a pain pill.

i had two amazing nurses over the course of the week who took very good care of me. i've just been taking it easy, trying to get as much sleep as possible and trying to get used to eating again. my pain has been minimal and i am only taking half a percocet in the morning and evening. the only part that is bothersome and uncomfortable is my belly button, where one small vertical incision is (maybe only half an inch long). it's quite an awkward place for an incision because your belly moves every time you do! anyway, i'm feeling pretty good now and unfortunately have to go back to work tomorrow. i was told i could begin exercising a week after surgery, though i am hesitant because of my belly button incision and am probably going to wait another week or until my post-operative appointment on the 18th.

and check out this sweet gift from my surgeon! i really have no idea what anything is!


17 April, 2010

poem i wrote


the pain i feel in my gut
is only present to remind me
of a history i cannot
change, escape or ignore
it is that one sign
that's left over
screaming in my face
and whispering in my ears
biology, biology, biology

it begs me not to forget
but to embrace
the unimaginable path
i've been led down
and the path i've chosen

i as well beg my body
to submit to the
changes of the current
to meet in middle ground
and reveal an accurate rhythm
between past, present and future

as if the three are armored warriors
battling for righteousness
battling to be visible, to be audible
battling for the sheer sake of battling -
the adrenaline, the destruction and the glory

this is a constant battle
and it is the same battle
fought perpetually
within my mind
within these veins
and within this spirit

a battle which calls into question
the union of history and what is to come
of two unmatched lives
and two unmatched people
somehow fusing
to create one entire and whole being
breathing and being now

06 April, 2010

trans conference!

there's a conference coming up for anyone in the new england area
transgender lives: the intersection of health and law conference
saturday, april 17
university of connecticut health center, farmington, ct

i'll be facilitating a workshop about public and private identities!
hope to see you there!


04 April, 2010


i spilled almond milk on my keyboard and now the m, k, i and 8 aren't working. i'm typing this at work so it doesn't take two years to write a blog entry and thus the reason behind my absence! i'm attempting to remedy this situation myself...we'll see how it goes.
anyway, i've begun the 100 push-up challenge! it's a training program to eventually get you to be able to do 100 consecutive push ups! it's tough, though it has been going well. i could do enough push ups when i began the challenge that i started out on week 3. so my training program is a month instead of 6 weeks and now i only have two weeks left. what's nice about it is that you only work out three days a week (an every-other-day kinda thing) and each workout is only about 10 minutes. check it out here: http://hundredpushups.com/
and now for the super exciting news...i'm getting my ovaries out - a laparoscopy it is! i was finally able to get in touch with my doctor, who took a week to do some research of her own. it sounds like she spoke to dr. marci bowers, a surgeon who specializes in ftm and mtf trans surgeries, although she only alluded to a "doctor out in colorado who specializes in trans surgeries...".

i forgot to mention in my original post that her only hesitation initially in taking my ovaries out was the risk for osteoporosis. after doing some research she found that there is a risk for ovarian cancer from long-term exposure to testosterone. she also discovered that pain in other reproductive parts can also be caused by long-term exposure to testosterone. so, she asked me what my thoughts were regarding my choices (depo-lupron or laparoscopy) and i told her i really didn't want to even try to the depo-lupron after reading women's personal accounts of using the drug. she did mention that we could use it very short term as a diagnostic tool - if my pain went away then we'd know it was my ovaries causing the pain, if it didn't relieve my pain, we'd know that it may be the long term exposure of the testosterone causing the pain. i rejected this idea as well. she supported and supports my decision to have surgery, which is scheduled for monday, may 3.
so that's where life is at. i'll try my best to update more!

17 March, 2010

Depo-Lupron versus Laparoscopy

last week i went to see an obgyn for my pain. her whole office was super friendly and didn't even flinch at the sight of a guy having an appointment with an obgyn. the doctor herself was very friendly and listened to everything i had to say about my pain and my history. she told me that she thinks i have endometriosis and talked briefly about other ftm patients she's seen for the same thing. she basically told me that i have two options to get rid of my pain - this drug called depo-lupron or a laparoscopy to remove my ovaries.

depo-lupron is a hormonal agent that significantly reduces estrogen levels and is normally used in women with endometriosis. i have done some research on the drug to weigh its pros and cons.

-my pain would most likely be reduced
-potential for body & facial hair to grow in faster
-take the drug for a brief period (about 6 months)

-fluid retention
-weight gain
-joint pain
-loss of libido

laparoscopic surgery is surgery performed with a laparoscope (a very small tube with a light and a camera lens) to examine organs, check for abnormalities or perform minimally invasive surgeries. i have done some research on this as well to see how it compares to the depo-lupron.

-my pain would most likely be reduced
-if i ever went off hormones i wouldn't have to worry about bleeding
-potential for body & facial hair to grow in faster

-injuries to blood vessels or my bowels during the surgery
-some people have sustained electrical burns unseen by surgeons who are working with electrodes that leak into surrounding tissue
-bodily pain related to the gas introduced into the abdominal cavity during surgery
-risks associated with general anesthesia
-blood clots
-nerve injury

i read many, many accounts of women who have been on depo-lupron and i am honestly scared by what this drug has done to these women. some of the women mentioned that their pain did go away, though all of them mentioned how horrific the side effects were and how this drug basically made them crazy for a period of time. reading these accounts makes me very hesitant to go on this drug, especially since i prefer not to put drugs into my body. my doctor is supposed to call me this week and we're going to discuss these options together and decide the best route for me. i'll keep my blog updated as things progress.